Space, the final frontier. These are the voyages of the starship Enterprise. Its 5-year mission: to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly go where no man has gone before.
Fairy: Oh my god stealing people’s names has been categorized as a war crime for like a hundred years. Do I seem like the kind of fairy that would do war crimes?
Me: Well yes, but that’s just my impression of you personally. Not fairies in general.
Fairy: You’re smarter than I thought.
Me: So is the fairy monarch democratically elected?
Fairy: I think the one from a small corner of Alabama might be but for the most part, no. It’s still decided by a contest between the three oldest children.
Me: What kind of competition?
Fairy: Well it used to be to the death but that was too violent so these days each kingdom comes up with their own. In mine I think they play marbles but I’ve never seen one.
Me: Okay so why shouldn’t I say thank you or give gifts in return for favors?
Fairy: That’s mostly a regional thing but where I’m from it’s insulting to the wealth of the person giving you stuff. Like you really only thank people when what they did was like a huge burden so if you thank someone for giving you something that’s like calling them poor.
Me: Fairies have wealth inequality?
Fairy: I mean we technically still live under a feudal system if I’m being honest but with modern technology and ethics nobody notices.
Me: Do you have Internet down there?
Fairy: Only dial-up. That’s why I come to your house.
Fairy: So you’re telling me that human men don’t think that frog eyes are sexy?
Me: Well not most of them to my knowledge.
Fairy: So I bought these contacts for nothing.
Me: Hey man you don’t have to be a frog spirit to lure men into your clutches. Plenty of dudes are into cat eyes and ghoulish moaning.
Fairy: You really think so?
Me: I know so! Stop doubting yourself so much. You can definitely find some mortal men to lure into the timeless void for several centuries and adopt a demon cat with you.
Fairy: Thanks, man. That means a lot.
Fairy: So humans… don’t eat glass?
Me: No? It’ll cut up our insides and kill us.
Fairy: Ooohhhh. Oh no.
Me: What did you do now?
Fairy: More like… what I’ve done over the past three centuries since I moved out of my mom’s house.
Me: Did the coughing up of blood not cue you into anything?!?!!
Fairy: I thought that humans just spontaneously die sometimes!
Me: No we don’t! There’s physical reasons for these things!
Fairy: So… no more bringing nightshade and glass entrees to the potluck?
Me: No!
Me: So why mushrooms as portals?
Fairies: Look man, even we don’t mess with mushrooms alright? Sometimes they open up a portal to the human world and it’s just best to not question it.
Capitalism only values nature by how it can be exploited.
Case in point.
People in my replies be like “bUt wHaT aBoUt fRuIt TrEes and CaMpInG GrOuNdS”. Yes that’s pretty much my point. Trees are only valuable if you can make money off them or hijack them for human activities, rather than because they literally sustain life on earth.
In capitalism’s eyes, everything is but a tool or resource to make profit. Workers and nature alike. A forest is not inherently “valuable” to a capitalist; individual people are treated as “human resources” and labour for 8 - 13 hours per day, most days of their life, until they’re physically too old to continue.
We will only attain a better world when nature and people become inherently valuable, rather than something to exploit.
